When Loving Your Spouse Grosses You Out

by Gina Parris

Have you ever looked at something you normally love and suddenly lose your appetite for it? What do you do then?

Twelve year old Nathan came bursting into the house, nearly in tears.

“THERE’S A PROBLEM!!” he yelled. When he ran in the room where his big brother and I were, he asked for help.

“Jordan, there is a dead bird caught in my batting cage net. Can you please help me get it out? Its stomach is split open and it looks like it is breathing from millions of maggots, and its head already fell off.”

Nathan pleaded.

Jordan puked.

I tried not to laugh.

The beloved batting cage still sits abandoned.

It’s okay, their dad finally returns from the war next week. I’m sure they’ll ask him to deal with it, in all his warrior-ness!

The point is, how can one nasty element cause you to totally lose your passion for something you love?


How does this happen in the bedroom?

We’ve talked to couples who seem to know that making love could be an exercise in ecstasy  – but instead the sight (or thought) of a naked partner brings near-nausea.  Really? Makes you sick to your stomach? How sad.

Some excuses:

  • “Ever since I saw that baby come out of there with all that blood and slime, yuck…”


  • “The way he just sits on the couch like a slob and then wants to have sex, ugh…!”


  • “My wife just isn’t attractive to me any more…”


  • “The thought of oral sex completely grosses me out…”

And on it goes.

In not one single case of bedroom aversion was there a decaying, maggot filled, decapitated creature in the picture.  Nope. Just normal, every-day, real life.

So, what is a lover to do?

Remember, all we really deal with in life, is experience and meaning. We attach meaning to stuff we see, hear, feel, taste, touch. At any time, we have the choice to let it mean something else.  Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge the emotion
Accept the fact that your body has created a conditioned response to what you are seeing or thinking. On some level, it is trying to protect you from pain. It’s like a child. Embrace that inner child for a moment and let it be heard. It’s just energy anyway.

2. Offer acceptance and forgiveness
First of all, accept the fact that you feel this way and it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Then forgive your self, and the other person for their lack of “perfection.” After all, most of us, including that spouse of yours, doing the best we can with what we have.”

3. Create an empowering choice
Since it would be futile to change the other person, how would YOU respond if you were in your loving, sexy power? Would you go back to a time when things were sizzling? Would you embrace your mate just as they are? Would you choose to see them as perfection? Maybe you would just choose to be loving and responsive.

4. Manage your energy
All of the steps above are responses to your personal energy. When you need to perform at your peak under pressure, you must learn to manage that energy. One very abbreviated way to do that is just to breathe deep and put your hand on your chest. Then tap with your whole hand as you feel the vibration of your words. In just a few sentences and breaths and actions you can do steps 1-3:

Even though I am completely grossed out right now, I totally accept my self and my emotions, and I forgive my spouse for doing the best they know. And, I choose to be loving, open and responsive.”

If you say that several times, while breathing deeply, and tapping your chest, your body will shift its energy and the aversion will go away. Remarkably, you will find your self becoming loving, open and responsive. When you do, you will find peace and love and joy instead of aversion.


Something for free:
If you want to hear a fuller example of using energy psychology on an issue, than catch the replay of my very touching call on the Sexy Summit last week. On this call, after Kelli Claypool interviews me awhile we demonstrate this technique on an issue that was keeping her stuck in her own self-loathing.  I love her!

You can also hear the great call where Julie Sibert gives such encouragement to ladies who are rarely “in the mood.”

Love & Sex Summit: Day 5


If You Love Your Mate But Not the Sex – than Attend the Love & Sex Summit at Home


I’m really excited to share these things with you. Please tell me – what would be the best part of being able to move from grossed-out to generous at any time?



Gina Parris is an international speaker, performance coach, wife, mother of four, and a champion for the Sexy Marriage. She is dedicated to helping people heal their sexual and relational issues. Throughout the past 28 years, Gina has served on staff of several large churches and encouraged thousands of people -privately, in groups, through television, radio and other media. She also speaks to organizations on topics dealing with home and work balance. Gina combines the best of Sports Psychology, Energy Therapy and Biblical promises to help people enjoy a Love Life marked by victory.

Free Audio - Five Keys to Great Sex Tonight - even if you're NOT in Mood.


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