A Note from Gina:
Today’s article is written by Julie Sibert, who is also one of the experts on the Love & Sex Summit We still get great feedback every week about how much that series has blessed marriages around the world!
As we talk about making things sexy, I am putting the final touches on The Sexy Marriage Solution to help you ELIMINATE the internal conflicts that put a drag on your sex drive! (or your mates drive.) As my faithful reader you will get a great deal on this as soon as it’s available.
As always, you can hit reply to this email and tell me what’s on your mind.
Three Lies About Sex. Are You Believing Them?
By Julie Sibert
I was sitting at my computer and the phone rang. An automated voice on the other end told me with much urgency that this was the “last time” I would be called with an “opportunity” to lower my interest rate on my credit card.
That, of course, was a lie.
As long as my phone number is still active, I will continue to get many “last” calls from this company. When it comes to phone solicitations and “one-time” marketing offers, most of us recognize the lie for what it is. Yada. Yada. Yada.
But what about lies about sex? Are you as quick to recognize them for what they are?
Here are three lies media and society perpetuate about sex, much to the detriment of married couples who believe them:
Lie Number 1: Sex Comes Naturally.
Aspects of biology and arousal may come naturally, but the actual act of sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is awkward and bewildering – at least at first.
Romantic movies have convinced us that whenever two people fall onto a bed, everything that happens after that moment is flawless. Rarely is the awkwardness of sex depicted on TV or in the movies.
Sadly, too many married couples never put in the effort to move beyond the initial awkwardness to a place of intricately understanding each other’s bodies. Worse yet, they think something is wrong if they even experience any awkwardness.
The result? They stay perpetually stuck in this place of predictable, less-than-satisfying, sex.
They have believed the lie that “sex comes naturally.” And they think that the mundane place at which they’ve arrived in their sexual intimacy is… well…natural. “Sex must look this way for everyone, right?”
Time for a wake-up call.
If you want to enjoy sex, you are going to have to communicate vulnerably with each other about what feels good. You may even want to try a variety of touches and positions. Is this going to be awkward? Sure. But the possibility of gaining useful knowledge is waiting for you. Learn, learn, learn. Then learn some more. Never stop learning about each other.
Lie Number 2: Hot People Have Better Sex
If there was a competition for this sort of thing, I would bet my last dollar that my husband and I could out-perform pa-lenty of sexier looking couples.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad there isn’t such a competition, but isn’t it fascinating how we just assume that someone who is physically attractive by the world’s standards must be off-the-charts outstanding when making love?
I’ve often said that hot people do not have better sex, at least not solely because they are hot.
What makes sex great is two people being comfortable enough in their own skin that they welcome the opportunity to thoroughly explore each other’s bodies, even if those bodies come with some extra padding, a few wrinkles and less-than-toned calves.
Ummm…is it just me or did I just describe the vast majority of us?
Do you really think the only people out there having fantastic sex are cover models and ripped fitness instructors?
Walk in the truth. You’re hot to the person whose opinion matters most – your spouse.
Lie Number 3: If I Can’t Orgasm During Intercourse, I’ll Never Be Able to Orgasm
Orgasm is a fascinating bodily response. Scientists and doctors throughout the world have studied it immensely. It is both complex and simple; a source of tremendous pleasure and incredible frustration (particularly for women).
We cannot will ourselves to have an orgasm (without at least some physical arousal) – and yet, our minds play a huge role in whether we will even have one. See what I mean? Complex.
When a wife is unable to orgasm, the couple often gives up too easily, leaving them both exasperated (not to mention sexually frustrated).
Women, if you have not been able to orgasm from your husband thrusting within you, I encourage you to not resign yourself to a marriage without orgasm. Here are a few suggestions:
Do you know how much stimulation is needed on your clitoris?
You are going to have to understand a lot about your body that may seem foreign to you now. You may want to do some self-discovery to figure out how much stimulation is needed on your clitoris.
Before you throw me to the wolves for playing the masturbation card, hear me out. Your goal isn’t to diminish oneness with your husband. Your goal is to understand enough about your body so that you can then teach and show him what it is going to take for you to orgasm.
If you are not a fan of the self-discovery route, then have a heart-to-heart with your husband to say, “I really want to experience an orgasm. Can we try different positions and touches to help me climax?” When you find sensations that feel good, affirm him and focus in on those sensations.
Are you allowing enough time for foreplay?
Women tend to need more time to relax and become aroused. I’m all for quickie sex every now and then, but the vast majority of my phenomenal sexual escapades with my husband were more of a leisurely Sunday drive rather than a 30-second sprint. There’s a lot to be said for foreplay when it comes to getting your body to a place where orgasm is more likely.
Society, media and sometimes even well-meaning friends will feed you lies about sex. Be discerning on what you believe. You deserve sexual intimacy rooted in truth, not lies.
Gotta go. I hear my phone ringing. This might be my “last chance” to lower my credit card rates. Wink. Wink.
|Julie Sibert writes and speaks on sexual intimacy in marriage. She blogs regularly at her site at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com , and can also be found on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/IntimacyInMarriage and on Twitter @Intimacy4Life. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband Randall, their two sons and one German Shorthair Pointer dog who refuses to stay in the fence.|
Gina Parris is an international speaker, performance coach, wife, mother of four, and a champion for the Sexy Marriage. She is dedicated to helping people heal their sexual and relational issues. Throughout the past 28 years, Gina has served on staff of several large churches and encouraged thousands of people -privately, in groups, through television, radio and other media. She also speaks to organizations on topics dealing with home and work balance. Gina combines the best of Sports Psychology, Energy Therapy and Biblical promises to help people enjoy a Love Life marked by victory.