Today’s Post is from Winning at Romance Expert Panelist, Julie Sibert, who speaks and writes regularly on this topic as well. I think you’ll enjoy her thoughts! – Gina Parris
There is an old saying that goes like this: “Women have sex when they want to. Men have sex when they can.”
Or, another way to say it with regard to marriage, “A wife holds all the keys to sex.”
That was me long ago. Sex was always on my terms. Every. Single. Time.
I know that some of you are cringing a bit right now, not because you are appalled at me, but because you can relate to me. You see yourself as a wife in that scenario.
For some husbands, there aren’t even any loopholes in those terms. He has no negotiating power. The contract is airtight, and not even a super secret handshake or code word is going to get him on the playing field (at least not as often as he’d like to be on the field).
Now, if you are a wife whose marriage is marred by your husband’s betrayal, abuse or extreme on-going relational discord, I’m not really talking to you.
I know women who are in horrendous marriages. While it’s always heartbreaking when a couple reaches an impasse where it comes to sex, I get how that happens when trust has disintegrated. Things are complicated, to say the least.
But for many wives, it’s not that you don’t love the guy who stood with you at the altar. And it’s not that he’s making your life all that difficult.
You aren’t in a devastated marriage.
Your groom may even bring to the relationship all that you had hoped for in a mate. Steady provision. Good father.Showers regularly. Hasn’t offended your best friend or sister. Doesn’t put the empty milk jug back in the fridge. You get the picture.
As far as husbands go, you know you could do worse – a lot worse.
And yet, this issue of sex continues to be… well, an issue.
I once heard a wife say something along these lines – “Yeah, I know he would like to have sex more, but I’m just not that into it. I could take it or leave it. And I’d just as soon leave it.”
Here’s where the irony comes in.
You wanted a man who was going to be faithful to you and take his marriage vows seriously, and now you have that guy. You never imagined that it would be you who would be bailing on your vows.
“What?!” I can hear you saying. “I haven’t bailed on my vows!”
Okay, maybe I’m stretching things a bit. But now that I have your attention, tag along with me, okay?
As I said, I once was a wife who didn’t think sex was all that important. I mean, I knew we needed to have sex and I knew that when I married him, I was saying that sex was part of the plan. I just didn’t do much to intentionally walk in that direction.
More often than not, sex was on my terms (when we actually had sex, that is). I figured we would get around to figuring out the disconnect someday. Are you familiar with the elusive someday, which never seems to materialize on its own?
That was marriage number one. While I can’t funnel all of our problems down to this sex issue, I’d be lying to myself (and to you) if I tried to say sex wasn’t a big factor in my husband leaving me.
Not surprisingly, after the dust had settled on the excruciating pain of my divorce, I humbly arrived at a better appreciation for why God designed sex.
I decided if I ever married again, I would live as if sex wasn’t all on my terms. I would nurture it, instead of relegate it to the bottom of my “to-do” list.
My current husband and I have never regretted such intentional efforts.
If you are a wife who has made it this far in the post and are unnerved by how accurately I’ve described your marriage, I am here to encourage you. (I know. You were beginning to wonder.)
I’m here to say I’ve been where you are – and you don’t have to hang out there any longer.
While I could tell you to just go have more sex with your husband, I think a better (and more sustainable) approach is to figure out why you don’t like sex with him. Is sex uncomfortable? Are you not experiencing orgasm? Is he not sensitive to what gets you in the mood for sex?
Maybe it’s none of those reasons. Maybe daily tasks are simply monopolizing your time and energy and you regularly fail to notice that the man you sleep next to hungers for sex with the woman he loves.
Whatever the reasons – from minor to major – I humbly encourage you to figure it out.
Life is short and sometimes the regrets of tomorrow can be avoided today.
You’re worth it. Your husband is worth it. And your marriage is worth it.I’m living proof.
I don’t just like sex. I love it.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks on sexual intimacy in marriage. She blogs regularly at her site at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com, and can also be found on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/IntimacyInMarriage and on Twitter @Intimacy4Life. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband Randall, their two sons and one German Shorthair Pointer dog who refuses to stay in the fence.
****************************
CHECK THIS OUT
Wives, if you love your husband but have low sex drive- then check out The Romance Rescue. On these videos, I share exactly how I turned things around in my marriage and how you can too.
Plus – the program is being re-vamped and the price will go up, so snag it for this low price while you can. You’ll get all future updates as well.
The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood. Meet Gina In Chicago and CHANGE YOUR LIFE with Her Favorite Mentors
There is STILL time to book your ticket to Make An Impact Live in Chicago, IL Oct 27-29th. I want to meet you there and offer you an amazing 2 for 1 price. I am so excited for this amazing event.
Yours.
Gina Parris
Related posts:
