Are you cursing your sex life?

by Gina Parris

“Our sex life is terrible.”

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

“It would be just fine with me if we never had sex again.”

“How can I not feel like crap when he never desires me?”

“All he cares about is sex, sex, sex.”

Variations of these complaints come across my inbox every day.

Of course I make myself available to listen to people rant about their love life. I made my website a place where people would feel safe to do so.

And yet…

It occurs to me that sometimes the words I’m seeing in my inbox or hearing from someone’s mouth have been rehearsed. Again. And again.

Have you ever been so angry/hurt/disappointed that you found yourself stewing over your mate’s faults? Have you felt that you would find relief by somehow articulating just how bad it really is? In fact, you can find yourself blind to all that is good and meditate on all that is bad, crappy, sexless.

It’s easy to do.

And you are welcome to do it.

However, words carry power.

Words stir up our heart in a certain direction.

Words galvanize the meaning we give to experiences.

Really – we could just as easily speak different words, rearrange our focus, and come up with different meaning about the issues we face.

We can’t change the past, but we can change the meaning we give to past events, and transform our reality.

But what do “blessing” and “cursing” really mean?

There are dictionary definitions for these terms, but for our purpose

I’m going to define the words like this:

- Bless – verb: to release life, happiness, healing and wholeness to a situation or person, more specifically, to release a situation or a person to the very will of God.

- Curse – verb: to speak death, misery, sickness, or human judgment, against a situation or person.

What we often don’t realize is that when we take it upon ourselves to be the releaser of the curse, we take that situation out of God’s hands and into our own.

God is a curse breaker. His ways are infinitely above ours.

Here’s the rub:

Very often “calling it like we see it,” is nothing more than cursing cloaked as observation.

Faith does not call it like it is. Faith calls those things that are

NOT as though they were.

This is as true in our sex life as anywhere.

So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Stop cursing your sex life.

Stop pointing out to yourself all this is wrong with your mate, or even your self.

Call forth what you’d like to see, what you believe is truly the highest plan for your marriage.

It’s impossible to do so without an accompanying feeling of gratitude.

Let’s give examples from above.

Instead of,

“Our sex life is terrible.”

Say, feel and lay hold of – “Our sex life is turning around, even when I can’t see how!”

Instead of,

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

Say, feel and be open to:

“Even though I’ve taken things personally in the past, I am seeing how to become more and more attractive to my wife.”

“All these issues are part of our success story.”

“I love that woman and she loves me.”

You get the idea.

I am not saying this will be easy.

Not saying you won’t feel like a liar.

But even if you WERE lying, did you know that a lie heard often enough becomes believed as truth? Why not “brainwash” yourself with life-giving thoughts?

For just 2 weeks, ask for your eyes to be opened to how often you release the curse.

Make the decision to release blessing.

I had to do this when my husband came home from the Gulf. After the first month, the adjustment to each other was suddenly unbelievably awkward.

I’ll talk more about that another time.

The good news is, we are stronger than ever, and you can be too.

Be blessed!

Gina

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat the fruit of it.” – Proverbs 18:21

P.S. I know this is not going to be a popular post with everyone. Please share your thoughts below.

Gina Parris is an international speaker, performance coach, wife, mother of four, and a champion for the Sexy Marriage. She is dedicated to helping people heal their sexual and relational issues. Throughout the past 28 years, Gina has served on staff of several large churches and encouraged thousands of people -privately, in groups, through television, radio and other media. She also speaks to organizations on topics dealing with home and work balance. Gina combines the best of Sports Psychology, Energy Therapy and Biblical promises to help people enjoy a Love Life marked by victory.

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